Shattered and Scarred
by Onlymehere
Summary: Experiences shape the mind, body, and soul, and those that touch our lives leave a permanent mark. Raphael has found two new playmates, and the three become the best of friends. How will Raph cope when these friends are prematurely ripped from his life? Turtle tot fic.
1. New Faces, New Worlds

**A/N: Here it is! My first chapter of my first chapter story! I'd like to profusely thank all of you that have read my drabbles and reviewed them; You guys are awesome! Thank you so much for all the critiques, support, and encouragement you've offered me. :) I hope this lives up to your expectations for my writing, and, as always, reviews and criticisms are welcome and appreciated! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing! Nothing! No turtles or any other pets either. All I have is a younger brother. :P**

* * *

Raphael padded carefully down the tunnels away from his home, pausing often; he had to make absolutely sure he was not being observed or followed. Having not yet completely mastered the art of stealth, his tiny footfalls were still occasionally audible as he pushed steadily onward. The hardest part about getting away was getting his brothers to leave him alone for long enough, especially now that they had begun to notice his habitual absence. He had often thought about bringing one of them along, but quickly dismissed the thought as, during games or adventures, Leonardo always lectured about the moral implications of any and all of Raph's actions, Don prattled on about the composition of various substances and the complexity of chemical compounds, whatever those are, and Mikey always whined, cried, or screamed until he got exactly what he wanted. None of them would be ok to introduce to his new playmates.

Raphael slowed once again and glanced suspiciously around; then, completely sure that he was alone, he then sat directly beneath a sewer grate and closed his eyes. A fierce look of concentration upon his face, he waited for almost twenty minutes before a soft, yet distinct birdcall carried down through the bustle above. Instantly on his feet, Raphael peered up expectantly and returned the call with one of his own. The fading notes of Raphael's call hung in the air like dark clouds before a spring shower and the young turtle waited with bated breath. At the sound of another, Raphael released the breath he had been holding to repeat the process several times over, varying each call slightly. Call- answer- silence. Call- answer- silence. The final silence was broken by the grating of a manhole cover against cement. Raphael sprinted to the opening and looked up, his face beaming so intensely that it rivaled that of the incoming sunlight.

A small face eclipsed the sun, "Sup, Raph!"

"Hey! I want to say hello too!" A higher voice whined from behind the head

Raph chuckled, " Hey, Mel! Hello Mat! Whatcha waitin' for? Come on down!" The turtle replied.

Two rugged boys clambered down the narrow steps; each playfully attempting to shove the other off and reach the bottom first. Their ruddy faces and tattered clothes were smeared with grime and their once-blonde heads of hair were nearly brown; neither of the two wore shoes or socks and their exposed skin was mottled with bruises in various places. However, both boys wore happy grins upon their grimy faces, elated to once again see their mutant friend. Upon reaching the bottom, the three young boys faced each other, proceeded with a ritual secret handshake, and escaped into their fantasy world.

Happy squeals and giggles floated lazily down the tunnels as the three youths fought dragons, rescued princesses, saved the kingdom and rode off into the sunset. Hours passed without notice; the outside world had fallen away; nothing existed save each other and their games. Sometime later, tired, they rested near the sewer grate. After several minutes, Mat broke the contented silence.

"Raph, how come you can't never come up with us an' play?"

The young turtle shrugged, "Masta' Splinta' says I can't go above ground. He says humans don' undastan' us and would try ta hurt us because we're different."

Mel frowned in confusion, "But we don' think you're bad. You're our best friend in the whole world!"

Raph shook his head, "But wha about tha other humans? You think they'd like a walkin' an' talkin' turtle playin' with their kids? No way. I guess it's better for me an' my bros if we stay outta sight."

All three looked sullenly at the ground, grimly acknowledging the truth in those words.

The fading daylight signaled the end of their play day; Mat and Mel rose so slowly it seemed even gravity itself wanted them to stay. Raph reached upward and was helped to his feet by the two brothers. They repeated the secret handshake and waved goodbye. Raphael watched mournfully as his friends began to ascend the ladder out of the sewers and into the real world. Before sliding the manhole cover back, the brothers paused above ground to wave sadly down to Raph

"Wait!"

Mel froze halfway through pulling the manhole cover into place.

"Would you bring me pictures? I wanna see.. what it's like. Up there, ya know?"Raph blurted quickly.

Mel flashed a grin and thumbs up, "Sure thing! See ya tomorrow Raph!"

The cover slipped into place with a heavy thud; Raph looked up longingly for a moment, picturing in his mind's eye the beauty of a world he could never experience. Sighing, and finally tearing himself away, he began the long walk back to his home.


	2. Above and Below

**A/N: Here's Chapter two! Sorry for the wait; I had a horrible attack of writer's block, but RedWritingRebel and ThisCatalyst'sPen were wonderful about getting me started again. :) Thanks! Leave me a review and let me know what you think, and stay awesome -OMH**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, not turtles, no textbooks, nothing.**

Raphael arrived back home within the hour. On the walk home he had been rehearsing various scenarios and excuses he could use to justify his absence. He decided to tell the truth; he had gone on a walk. He would just conveniently forget to mention that he had played with human friends along the way.

Master Splinter noticed Raphael's return immediately, "My son, where have you been?"

Although he had prepared, the young turtle still flinched involuntarily, "Been out walkin' Sensai.

"Where is it that you walk? You have gone on these long walks for several weeks now."

"Jus' around the tunnels, Sensai, honest! I get bored an' like to go explore!" Raphael's eyes widened, begging his father to believe his half-truth.

The rat observed his son critically; it was obvious that there was more to Raphael's "walk" than he was telling. He could smell traces of human scent on his son and Raphael's speech had begun to change within the last few weeks, shifting away from a Japanese influenced accent similar to Splinter's, and gaining a harsher Brooklyn edge. It was clear his son was associating with humans, but the Rat could sense that nothing was seriously amiss and decided only to warn his son, once again, of the dangers of the world above."It is good that you like to explore, Raphael, but remember you are not to, under any circumstances, go above ground. It is dangerous."

The young turtle nodded quickly before scampering to find his brothers.

* * *

Slipping unnoticed into the New York crowds, Matthew and Melvin ambled slowly among the throngs of people rushing about. Most adults were too busy to notice two street brats. Their mistake. Leaning lazily on the corner of a building, the two boys looked into the bustle.

Noticing an elderly woman walking slowly down the street, Mat nudged his brother, and pointed to the woman.

"There. Ready?"

"Yeah," the younger boy replied, albeit shakily, "Older lady in the grey?"

"That's the one." Mat rubbed his hands together expectantly. "Stick to the usual; let's go."

Melvin rubbed his eyes vigorously, and tears began to fall. He then walked toward the lady, his soft crying escalating to a loud wail. "Mommy! Mommy! Where are you, Mommy!?"

The elderly woman instantly turned to console him, "Oh, poor, dear child! Have you lost your mother?"

"Y-Yes. I was walking with her and then-then s-s-she was g-gone!" Eyes wide, Mel looked up at the woman, tears streaming freely down his face. Over her shoulder, he could see his brother approaching stealthily.

Pulling Mel into a hug, she continued to comfort him, "It's ok, shhhhhh, don't cry. I'll help you look for her ok?"

"Ok.." He gulped.

She smiled softly, "What's your name?"

"Mel.." he answered.

"Ok, then, Mel. What is your mom's name?"

He glanced behind the woman again. Matthew was immediately behind her, waiting for the right moment.

"S-Sarah." He mumbled, dropping his eyes again.

"What does your mother look like?" She kneeled, took hold of his shoulders and looked deeply into Mel's eyes.

"Umm..she's pretty!"Mel looked up once again, and locked eyes with his brother; Mat nodded almost imperceptibly. It was time to go. Mel's face brightened. " She has brown hair, and…Mom! There she is!" He pointed into the crowd behind the woman. "Thank you nice lady!"

Melvin ran away quickly, melting into the crowd. Rising to her feet, the elderly woman chuckled to herself, what a sweet boy. She waited several minutes before a taxi arrived for her, and she climbed into it, unaware that her purse was now missing her wallet.

* * *

Leonardo looked up from his toy car inquisitively as Raphael rejoined him and the others. "Hey Raph! Where've you been?"

"Went for a walk." The red turtle stated simply and smiled disarmingly at his elder brother. He didn't need Leo to get curious and start trying to follow him. To his relief, Leo merely nodded and returned to playing with his car.

Michelangelo, however, was more persistent. "Where'd ya go walking, Raphie? Can I come with you next time? Can I go explore with you?" The freckle faced turtle looked adoringly into Raph's eyes, pleading for the chance.

"I usually just walk around in the tunnels, Mikey. There's really not much to explore. I just like to walk." He deflected, hoping his youngest brother would lose interest.

The younger turtle was not so easily dissuaded. "I don't mind! Can I please come explore with you!?"

Raph sighed in defeat, and answered with a very definite "Maybe so. I'll see."

Mikey, satisfied for the moment, happily returned to reading more of his beloved comic books in the room the boys shared.

Donatello looked up from his worn copy of _Harrison's Principals of Internal Medicine_ and raised an eye ridge. "Did you actually mean that?"

"Yeah, I'll let him come one of these days." Raph shrugged, thinking 'Yeah, we'll go explorin', but I ain't letting him meet Mat or Mel.'

Donny frowned thoughtfully but made no further comment, and Raph rolled his eyes at his brainy brother.

The boys played independently for several more minutes before Master Splinter called for them. It was training time.


	3. Home Is Where the Heart Isn't

**A/N: Sorry for the delay on this guys! School is winding down for me (only a month left!) so I should have lots more free time to update around that time. :) Hope you enjoy this next installment. Please, as always, drop me a line at the end to let me know how I did; I can't improve if I don't know what's wrong. Thanks, and stay awesome :)**

* * *

The day had long since faded into night as the boys made their way slowly back to their house, wishing every step of the way that they did not have to return. Their home, if it could be called that, was a miserable place. An alcoholic father and absent mother had made life difficult for both young boys. They were only able to escape all troubles when they were below with their green friend. The glorious hours below, though, made returning all the more difficult and they often wished to return home with Raphael and reside in the sewers rather than return to their own home.

On the worst of several dismal apartments deep within the New York City slums an abused, tattered door hung limply from its frame, seeming to strain against the hinges' grasp as if trying to flee such an oppressive estate. Crumbling brick steps lead up to the building, mosses flourishing in the gaps of the walkway. No shred of light touched the structure from without and an eerie blue television glow was the only sign of life within. The few paint flecks that still clung to the walls were reminiscent of happier times of the distant past, their stark whiteness standing out against the gloom.

The door issued a loud groan of protest as the Matthew pushed it open tentatively, and the two boys hurried inside. Taking care to close and lock the front door behind them, the boys retreated to the bedroom they shared. Matt immediately flopped down on the thin lumpy mattress in the corner and stared up at the decaying ceiling. Mel mirrored his elder brother's actions. After several minutes of silence, Melvin rolled onto his side, raising his arm to prop up his head. "What d' ya think it's like at Raph's house?"

" I dunno.. I wanna see it one day, though an' meet his brothers too!" Mat replied, flipping to face his brother. The two grinned at the prospect of having more turtle friends. "They're ninjas too! Raph needs ta teach us to be ninjas like him!"

Mel's face brightened, and then fell, "Yeah! But Mat I tol' Raph I'd bring him pictures! Where 'm I gonna get pictures!?"

Mat shrugged, and opened his mouth but his response was lost as the door flew suddenly open, slamming against the nearest wall further deepening the preexisting hole there. From thedoorway a balding, meaty man leered in, reeking of the sour stench of alcohol and stale cigarettes.

"Ay! Where you little shits been?"

The two boys jumped nervously to their feet. "Jus' went out walkin', Dad." Mat replied, stepping protectively in front of his younger brother.

"Walkin where?" The man's bloodshot eyes narrowed.

The boy crossed his arms and tilted his head, "Around the neighborhood."

"Bring me anything?" his father asked, a threatening edge creeping into his voice.

"Yeah, just one." Mat pulled the elderly woman's wallet from his pocket and tossed it into his parent's outstretched hand.

Grasping the wallet in his paw, the man quickly riffled through its contents, extracted a lone twenty dollar bill, and brandished the bill violently in his fist. "Twenty dollars! That's it? Twenty damn dollars!?"

Matthew stared unflinchingly into his father's reddening face. "We didn't have time for more. Not many people were out today."

Grabbing the front of his son's shirt and shaking him, the adult growled, "Empty your pockets, boy!"

"I ain't got nothin' else!" he protested.

The man shoved his son roughly into the wall and backhanded him, a large ring leaving a gash on Mat's cheek. "I said turn 'em out !"

Face still stinging, Mat fought back tears as he slowly turned his pockets inside out, revealing little more than excess lint.

His father's face deepened into a dark purple as he rounded on the younger brother. "You. Turn yours out too."

Melvin silently complied, quivering as his father's rage built at the sight of his also empty pockets. Matthew stepped forward again, hoping to draw attention to himself and away from his little brother.

"We ain't got nothin' else. See?"

Slobber dripping from his lips and dark circles beneath his eyes gave the boy's father a rabid look as he advanced on his elder son.

"Where'd ya hide it ya piece of shit! Where's the rest of my money!"

He grabbed a fistful of Mat's hair, and slammed the boy's head into the wall repeatedly. Matthew cried out in pain, tears, sweat, and blood streaming freely down his face. The man paused momentarily and smiled sadistically, "One last chance." He locked eyes with Mat, daring his child to defy him.

Matthew steeled himself and forced a swallow, the bitter taste of iron burning his throat. Lifting his head, he met his father's gaze. "We don' have nothin' else, honest.."

* * *

"Again my son!" The elderly rat demanded. "You must finish this kata correctly before you may join your brothers for supper."

Raphael sighed; he knew better than to complain during practice; however, that made him no less tired. Leonardo had completed the kata effortlessly and was dismissed with praise for his excellent form. Donatello had scraped by as well, his kata passing Master Splinter's critical eye by a slim margin, and Michelangelo, like Leo, he flowed easily between the strikes with natural skill. Only Raphael remained his frustration building as he failed, once again, to master a simple kata.

"Focus my son. You must channel your inner energy and focus." Master Splinter raised an eyebrow and nodded toward his student. "Do it again."

Raphael growled, but assumed the beginning stance, feet together, back straight, palms pressed together, and bowed stiffly, his bright amber orbs never leaving his rat master's face. Stepping outward with his left foot and bending his knees, the young turtle performed a series of punches. Then sliding his right foot backwards, he adopted a defensive stance transitioning from there to various kicks and a jump, landing facing Master Splinter directly. Panting, he bowed again, waiting apprehensively for Splinter's pass or fail.

"No, Raphael." Splinter sighed, "Too sloppy. Again."

Raphael howled in annoyance, "Masta' Splinta'! I was at least as good as Donny! why're ya makin' me keep doin' it?!"

Splinter silenced him with a glare. "Raphael. You will retire to your room until I come for you."

"Hai sensei.." the young hung his head and slowly made his way to the room the four boys shared. Reaching the room's furthest corner, he crossed his arms and slumped to the floor to brood.


	4. Disdain and Disorder

**A/N: I have to apologize for the ridiculously long time between updates :P Between finals at school and contracting one hell of a cold and two infections, most of my spare time has been spent sleeping as much as possible. BUT hopefully now that school is out I should be able to post much more regularly. :) I hope you enjoy this chapter, and please, as always, drop me a review! Your feedback is what keeps me writing. I'd especially like feedback on my OC's because I don't usually like to write them or read them.** **-OMH**

* * *

Mat whimpered softly as his father's boot connected solidly with his ribs; he felt his father's meaty hands lift him, sending his body flying through space. He gaped, as he landed heavily on the pavement outside his home. Melvin rushed out after him, squeaking as he narrowly avoided the boot.

" 'An ya stay out 'till ya can bring me at least two hundred dolla's. YA HEAR ME? TWO HUNDRED!" Their father bellowed from the steps, slamming the door savagely, casting his two young sons into the night, alone.

Melvin leaned over his brother, extending a hand. "C'mon, we gotta go.."

Groaning, Mat pushed himself gingerly from the ground, shaking from the pain that laced his small frame. He reached for Mel's outstretched hand, leaning heavily on his younger brother, and slowly pulled himself to a standing position.

"How bad s' it look?" Mat looked down at himself, and then back at his brother, not really needing an answer; Mel's face was answer enough

"It's not too bad, I guess. 'bout the usual" the younger answered hesitantly.

Mel grimaced; he could feel the bruises blossoming all over, especially on his face. "Eh, I'll be alright, then." The words fell hollowly between them.

"What're we going to do?" Mat could feel Mel's large innocent eyes raking over him, begging for an answer.

"I don't know," the elder sighed heavily, "but we'd better get goin' we gotta lot t' grab tonight."

The two walked in silence in the darkness; each constantly scanning for ways to obtain the needed money. Several hours and wallets later, the boys had only a little over fifty dollars. The boys' stomachs howled and muscles ached in protest as they continued to pound the pavement. Several minutes later Mel abruptly stopped.

"Ya think Raph'd help us?"

Mat brightened, "Tha's a great idea! How come I didn't think of that? Let's go get 'im!"

The boys smiled at one another. Their little green friend was going to fix everything.

* * *

Blood oozed from the split skin on his knuckles as he slammed his fists into the wall for the hundredth time.

_What's he got against me?! I'm doin' just fine, plus I'm stronger than Mikey, Don, AND Leo put together. Leo. He's the favorite one anyway. That's why Masta' Splinta' don't care 'bout me. He's too busy with his LEO. _

"Raph?"

The young turtle froze. Shoving his hands behind his back, he turned slowly toward the small voice that had interrupted his thoughts.

"Yeah, _Leo?"_ The venom was audible in the red turtle's voice.

"I was just coming to see if you were ok.." Leo looked warily at Raph.

Raph snorted, his fists were shaking and he could feel the blood flowing down his hands and pooling on the floor. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Oh, ok," Leo relaxed slightly, " but you didn't come to dinner?"

"Masta' Splinta' jus' sent me in here 'cause I couldn't do his kata." Raph shrugged.

"Well if you would try harder…" Leo began.

"Leamme alone, Leo." Raph cut in, his amber eyes igniting. "I didn't ask for ya 'pinion."

Leo frowned and opened his mouth but slowly shut it. Eyes narrowed, he left without another word to his hot headed brother.

The red turtle tot stared after his older brother, rage bubbling in the pit of his stomach. He knew he had no chance at ever being the favorite son; he could never measure up to the amazing _Leonardo_. His fist connected with the wall again, leaving behind sticky red spots. He'd show Leonardo. He'd show them all.

Striding to the doorway, Raphael stopped short at the scene before him. Master Splinter sat calmly on the couch, looking lovingly down on his three _perfect_ sons. Leonardo sat on Splinter's lap, reading aloud, occasionally being corrected on pronunciation by his father. Michelangelo, lying on his stomach in a pile of papers at his sensei's feet, was coloring; he occasionally pulled softly on Splinter's robe and pointed at his drawing; Splinter laughed. Donatello had the pieces from various toys strewn about on the ground as well; his dexterous hands skillfully assembling new toys out of the pieces of broken ones; Splinter examined the new contraptions with a smile as they were handed to him by his genius child, and nodded good naturedly at the purple turtle's babbling.

Raphael recoiled, eyes burning, and scrubbed at them furiously attempting to keep the tears at bay. He wasn't around and they were having fun. They were content. They were happy. His family was happier without him.

Raph watched as Master Splinter rose, turned on the television, and inserted a movie, a rare treat. Mikey jumped excitedly onto the couch, along with Donny while Leo ran to the light switch, flicking them off as the opening credits rolled; the three tots giggled excitedly.

Outrage welled up within Raphael, driving him to his feet. He wiped his face and steeled himself. He would not stay here. His siblings' and sensei's attention drawn by the television, it took little effort to sneak through the darkness out into the sewers. Out of his home, the red turtle set out for his meeting place. He didn't look back.

* * *

Leonardo continued diligently through his favorite book, "You'll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You'll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life's a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterouious"

"Dex-ter-ous, my son, it means to be skillful." Master Splinter reminded gently.

Donny looked up from his tinkering, "Dexterous: skillful or adroit in the use of the hands or mental adroitness or skill; clever."

Master Splinter smiled. "Thank you, Donatello."

Blushing, Leo quickly delved, once again into his book. "Dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left…"

"Sensei! Look!" Mikey pulled on Splinter's robe, "I drew me and Raphy being dex-TER-ous! We has our weapons and everything!" The rat chuckled at the scene his youngest had drawn; it depicted himself and Raphael standing on top of Leonardo and Donatello, weapons in hand, shouting, 'we win!'

Mikey looked up at Splinter, his eyes as wide as saucers, "Can I bring it to him?"

Splinter shook his head sadly, "No, Michelangelo, not right now."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWW"

To the Sensei's surprise it was Donatello, not Michelangelo who had whined.

"I was making this new motorcycle for him! Can we bring it to him? PLEASE!" The genius pleaded.

"No, my sons, Raphael is being punished, and you are being rewarded. He can enjoy your gifts later. Would you like to watch a movie?"

"YES!" the three chorused. Mikey and Don carefully set aside their gifts for their brother before jumping excitedly onto the couch, followed by Leonardo. Splinter smiled; he had a wonderful family, if only Raphael could be with them. He considered going to get the youngster, but sadly decided against it. He would talk to his hotheaded son in the morning about the importance of training.


End file.
